This session included a very long, drawn out... multi-part... lots of talking... and action... and run on and on... like this poorly formed sentence. Up first was the attack on the Rescorts headquarters to take out the main boss (he appeared in the first mission). Unfortunately he passed on without any actual gameplay. He died in a cutscene with little fanfare.
|Oaf dude is half truck.|
Some huge oaf (apparently the genetic source of all the oafs in Saints Row) helped out and joined the gang a bit before the conclusion of the mission. He ran around naked with blurred out bits for maximum entertainment. He primarily proved that the AI in the game has issues as his pathing consistently became snared by things.
After the successful Rescorts attack a funeral procession was held for the character who apparently died in the first mission. Of course there was a catch. The procession became stuck in traffic on a bridge being dedicated by some politician. The Luchadores bombarded the bridge with rockets and attacks from vehicles in a semi-exciting sequence... though one you just watch and do not play any role in. This mission was still not over though.
|Enjoy Saints Row The Third the cutscene! We will return you to your hour long mission after these words from our sponsors!|
As a continuation to the mission I had to go to a boat and free an FBI agent from the clutches of the evil Tronnies gang. This was nothing spectacular. My female character expressed an attraction to the Tronnies outfits... I was mortified but continued on. Freeing the agent was simple and immediately rolled into another part of the mission: free/collect yet another character.
So then I went to the house of BDSM. Yikes... no screenshots please. The developers left little to the imagination of the player with a variety of disturbing characters and devices. While nothing overly shocking it was also not really that entertaining with the conclusion being the exception where you have a low speed carriage race using ball-gagged weirdos... look never mind. It was weird and I laughed for a moment... and then soon after thought to myself "what the hell was that?"
|I am fairly sure this pedestrian was illegally crossing the driveway.|
So for whatever reason we collected yet another character. Vocoder man (he only speaks in musical tone or some such nonsense) joined up to drag me to collect a fourth new character... some wrestler/fighter. At this point I wondered if this was the last mission in the game because it seemed to have dragged on for a long time. I do not understand how the writers did not see an opportunity to build up the importance of 4 entirely unique characters with back stories and otherwise. This mission should have spanned 10 missions or more to make all this misfits remotely desirable. Pacing just slightly could have added a lot more gameplay and story... oh well. This is intended to be a crazy sandbox not literature I guess.
|EVERYONE CELEBRATE THE MISSION ENDED WITH MINIMAL SUCCESS!|
|NITROUS UNLOCKED! Every car can now launch into space with a key press.|
Rebel outfit seemed like a good fit for my next run involving a slew of mayhem!
|What... no glasses?|